Day Five/Home: 09/03/09

1:15 pm

I don't remember what I blogged yesterday. Well the family went to Animal Kingdom and Downtown Disney Shopping village. I stayed at the hotel. I rested, read my books, got food at the caf, packed, and organized all that. They came back; we packed more, settled in for the night. I was horribly awakened at 3:45 am, dozed until 3:54 am when my foot was shaken and I was firmly told to GET UP. Got ready, left the suite at 4:39 am. The Disney Magical Express airport shuttle bus arrived about 4:50-4:55 am. It was NOT magical. Two stops after picking us up, & a 40 minute ride to the airport. The bus played music from some of the rides at the parks. It SUCKED. I was so thankful to own an iPod. We got to the airport about 5:45 & checked our bags. We headed to the restrooms and then to Starbucks. Tazo Tea: Sweetened Shaken Iced Tea Passion Lemonade. And an espresso brownie. I discovered I lost the tie-belt to my favorite sweater while we were at Starbucks. I was so upset, still am. Gracie claimed she saw it in the restroom but didn't realize it was mine (I wonder so often, Where is her head?? But I know I'm like that too and our dad. ADHD/ADD is NOT cool). She ran back to look. She didn't find it sadly, so I went and found the sweetest friendliest most cheerful janitor to ask where the lost and found was. I loved him. His English was not impressive but he was so sweet. Mum and I headed over to the lost and found. They didn't open until 7. I wrote down the number & email. I still have to call them. I'm going to ASAP. We went through security after waiting for the 11-year-old to go to the ladies' AGAIN. We got to our gate and boarded in about 10 minutes. I closed my eyes and had my hands over my face when we went up. I hate flying and I hate heights. I read my book during the flight and it was somewhat enjoyable. The flight that is, my book is great. As soon as the seat belt light clicked on, and the captain told us we were beginning our descent, my stomach nose dived. Nauseous for the rest of the flight. I wasn't ok until I got to baggage claim. We got off the plane and I went down there while everyone else hit the restrooms. I'd gotten three of our bags by the time they got there. We got our bags, Daddy picked up the car, and we went HOME. My nervous-anxiety-OCD kicked in and I was in a mad rush to unpack and organize and clean. Like panic attack, freaking out, I couldn't handle it not being all taken care of. So I did. We were home about 11:15 and I was unpacked by 12:45. And that’s entirely unpacked. Toiletries, clothes, shoes, carry on, everything. I'm folding the laundry now and I have 5 days worth of newspapers to read. It’s so amazing to be home. I'm so tired. I have things to do though. Goodbye Florida. ...Hello my home in New Hampshire.

I messed up this post somehow. Don't know how. Not pleased.

Ok, I'm exhausted. Like I feel like falling asleep right now.

I woke up this morning and found a ladybug about a foot away from my face. Now, I couldn't see it because I'm blind without my contacts, so I moved closer and upon seeing what the moving thing was, flicked it away. If I'd had the presence of mind at that moment I could have squished it or rescued it or something. Nope, I didn't have presence of mind and flicked the darn thing away from me.

I got up and upon walking to the bathroom, I walk into the corner of it, on the crown molded woodwork around the door. Ouch.

Somehow I was in a good mood because none of this upset me. It kind of made me laugh but I might have been slightly loopy from lingering sleepiness and a knock on the head.

Got ready, and went out with Mum and Grace. We went to Tyngsboro to pick up Gracie's glasses, then we went across the street/D.W. to the Pheasant Lane Mall to go to Target. I needed a bag for our trip and I don't remember what Mum and Grace were getting.

Our last stop was CVS for me, and Best Buy next door to look for a camera case for Grace.

I had great success at CVS (I was worried I wouldn't find what I needed) and they found a camera case while I was in CVS. The one thing I forgot was Lactaid pills. Goshdarn, this is a problem.

We came home and I ate quickly and then went to the dentists' office. All went well there, made future appointments and came home.

I've been packing, cleaning, organizing, etc. I finished hanging up some wall things that were taken down when my room was being painted, I sorted out a few cluttered junk filled areas. I'm working on an ongoing project I have.

I had to stop when my grandmother came over and be "social". I don't like that. I repaired a bag that had a damaged strap while we were eating. We had dinner, chit-chatted, etc. I did some dishes and cleaned up the table and island for my mom after.

She went home and I did something after that I have no idea what it was and now I'm blogging because I didn't get to again yesterday and I don't know what will be going on tomorrow. I know that I don't think I'll be on the computer again tonight however because I am so freaking tired!!

I'm going to play with the BumperSticker app on facebook for a little while because I've been consolidating all the ones with phrases/sayings/quotes that fit with me/my life/personality for my blog.

Then I'm going to get off the computer and go to my room and work on my project and eventually, hopefully not too too late;

Go. To. Sleep.

It was a good day.

I cleaned the kitchen again and the desk in the school room. I'm noticing that kitchen areas I've cleaned out and organizing are slowly being encroached with things that do NOT belong there. The cleaning went well.

I watched TV on the computer while I cleaned out the desk then I went on the computer to do some college research, and other various things.

New Music Tuesday so I checked all that out tonight, I was pretty pleased with my findings. Leeland has a new album out and I'm not a fan of theirs but I like this new CD of theirs, Love on the Move, very much. I downloaded that tonight and discovered this weeks free single is really great.

Its by an artist, Mallary Hope, she's new on the music scene I think. Her song is called Love Lives On and she IS a Country artist (which is even better in my opinion).

Its a beautiful song. A story song, and those are my favorite kinds. They dig deep and pull out the feelings you try and hide. I've watched the YouTube video of it 5 times already and I love it more each time and think wow this is so incredibly REAL. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri9ihQsiDQ4

Story songs are real. They tell a story and its not a fairytale, No they're real stories even if the one's singing it aren't telling their own story, its still someones story. That's why I love country. It moves you.

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I'm making a ringtone of "Face Down" right now. I should have thought of it sooner but it slipped my mind.

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I talked to Asa today which is a daily thing for the most part, but today was a day where we weren't unkind at all. Ok, well EARLY today we were both a little peeved, but it wasn't with each other. We just weren't at all sympathetic with each other's peeved-ness. Then he texted me later and he was very sweet.

He texted me: "Guess what band I'm listening to"

Me: "Paramore? Skillet?" (I knew it had to be a band that was specifically significant to us)

Asa: "Our band"

Me: "Dashboard Confessional" (Thinking its either this or Skillet).

Asa: "Skillet. Dashboard Confessional is on my list of "Do Not Ever Listen to Again" music"

We agree on that.

Me: "What song?"

Asa: "It was 'Say Goodbye', now its 'Those Nights'"

We talked a bit more about that CD, Comatose. I told him I was surprised he had it on his iPhone or iPod. I can't listen to a single song on that CD without thinking about him and I know its the same way for him.

He tries to NOT think about me. I finally had to be blunt with him and tell him that he couldn't forget me no matter how much he tried. He wanted to be stubborn and a total jerk. I thought he would win that fight. He came around. I don't know what I did. Or what he decided, but he did, thank you, God.

I can't hold my breath though. Not yet. If he wants to backtrack (again) then I have to be ready to defend this because Minnesota or not, we were working on being friends. I don't care about any 1,703 (he's recalculated three times. I think he's making it further each time on purpose)miles between us. To me he might as well not be gone at all.

I do miss him though and I've told him that. He doesn't like telling me he misses me but I can read between the lines and sometimes I poke him with things until he gets ticked off and says it.

Every time its rained since he's been gone or when its rained in Minnesota, we've texted each other. We met on a night that it rained, and the majority of any time we've seen each other, its rained, been raining, or is raining. It rained...mm the day I took out the screen. Oh that's WHY I was taking out the screen. Because it was raining and I wanted to take pictures to send to him. I was successful and sent him two pictures.

He replied within five minutes: "Damn you"

I asked why,

he replied: "Because I don't want to know what I'm missing".

He loves the rain. It comforts him. Maybe that's why I comfort him so easily. Some part of his head mentally links me to rain.

That's the big link right there, he can't forget me, just because of the rain.

Other links...so many other links. I notice them more now that I know he's so far away. He does too.

He told me one day last week that: "So. Future reference, and don't get ANY ideas. But if, and that's a big IF you ever came to Minnesota, you could stay in my dorm."

Me, naive, confused, asked: "Why? How?"

He said they were co-ed allowed dorms. I laughed so hard and told him he'd better find a girlfriend so he could make use of that benefit.

Eventually I'll fly over and see him. I don't know when, but I will. He moved there. I can't say that I'll see him when he gets out of college. No, he moved there. I keep calling New Hampshire home and he keeps telling me its not his home.

That's the part of my head that can't compute that he's actually gone.

Only when its raining or it hits 12 am do I remember and realize how far away he is. Minnesota is an hour behind New England. So if I'm awake at 12 am, I'll text him and say something along the lines of, "Oh its Wednesday now. OHhh, wait nope not you yet!"

I'm such a brat with him.

Its now 12 am here, so I'll text him in a few minutes with my usual gleeful comment. He doesn't like being an hour behind. Its throwing him off and it gives me an edge. I love it.

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Ahh, I should get offline. This was a good day. The first in about 5 days. I'm praying the good days continue.

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Four days until we leave for Disney World.

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I really wish I could see Sean before we go. I told him if it was over two weeks before we saw each other that would be ok. Not something I wanted, but I could suck it up. Its been 2 weeks and 2 days. Is that horrible I'm keeping count? Its just my mental thing with details.

I don't know that I'll be able to though. Or actually, will he be able to see me, and want to see me. I don't know.

I know that I miss him.

I miss him.

Maybe I'll text him and ask how their show at the Sad Cafe went tonight. Maybe I won't. He says he loves when I talk but I feel like I should just shut up sometimes. And then I hate not talking to him, even when he doesn't reply because I know chances are I'm still evoking a smile with whatever random ridiculous thing I'm saying.

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Ok then, I'm off!