I'm glad I'm not a stereotype. I'm such a mix of everything, but it blends. I'm not being self-absorbed I guess the word is, I'm just considering myself and what I like and don't like. You can't say I'm a girlygirl because I love to pain a room, be a grease monkey (not quite so Megan Fox-Transformers-esque though), wear boys shirts and play basketball with them (boys). But you can't say I'm a tomboy because I'll spend a half hour on an outfit, change three times, take forever to get ready (my internal clock and speedometer are worth shit), and have a lip gloss stashed somewhere on or around my person. I'm a perfectionist but I never follow a recipe to the letter and measure anything. My bulletin board has a collage of things on it but it's completely organized. I love color but I often find myself in black or white. I wear chucks or my a.e. sneakers but I'm in love with boots of all heights. I'm incapable of choosing between sweet, sour, salty and spicy. How is only one possible? I have very little self control but when the situation calls for it can bite my tongue for years, stop biting my nails over lent, not eat candy for months and do everything Mia says to do. I love the idea, essence, image, smell of coffee but I think it is atrocious to drink. Brownies are the best thing in the world and I know a good one from a bad one...like coffee people I guess. Starbucks and Barnes & Nobles have amazing brownies, Market Basket has brownie bites that I can eat a dozen of it once, and box mixes need to be chosen CAREFULLY. My self-esteem and body image will be high on Monday and nosedive on Tuesday. I love flowers but have no patience for dirt, plants and ughhh insects. Hats are my favorite thing but I'm never sure if it looks good. I have no basic mat skills, flunked Algebra I three times, but birthdays, and phone numbers and all crazy little details are engraved into my head. That's enough. But I'm not a stereotype and I'd had to be one. If I can be different and unique, but not fake and pretending, then I do it. Hearing someone say "You're different/unique/one of a kind" is in my top three favorite compliments, intentional or unintentional, as long as it isn't being said in a mean way.

So today was Mia's graduation party. It was a lot of fun actually. I wasn't expecting it to be. How bad is that? I hate parties. I hate socializing. I hate people. And I had fun . The first 10 minutes I had my usual mental thing of ooh I need to relax and I'm sooo not relaxed. Then the McDonoughs (minus Joshua) and Tony showed up and I started to feel better. Sophie and I sat with Kels, Tony and Tom for most of the afternoon and talked with them. Sophie listened a lot. It was a good time.

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I told Asa today it was over. I wish I had a more definitive term because "it" feels like a romantic implication. Here's the story: Asa and I could out of some bizarre happenstance someday be together. We've been trying to be friends, learning how to be friends for a couple months. He moved to fucking stupid Minnesota. Ok, fine, move 1,6384.5 miles away. That's something we could and were dealing with. The wrench in the situation? Drinking. Drugs. I don't care if he's in college. He's 19, that's underage. He doesn't have to follow the crowd. He doesn't have to do illegal shit because oh he's in college and he can. Friday night he got drunk and got high. I told him that night if he wants to do that stuff that is his decision. Part two of what I told him is that if he does decide to do all that, then I'm gone. One thing he wanted to try or consider a few months ago was a metaphorical delete button. Try to erase each other from our lives, just get rid of each other. We vetoed that in the end and have been friends. Maybe more. Well, not more right now. I told him that if he did decide to drink and get high and all that bullshit then I would be the one to erase him. I told him that I would be the one to drop off the face of his world if he decided to do it all.

Last night he drank. I don't know how much, but he did. He told me before he did last night that he was turning his phone off so that he or anyone else drunk would text me. He texted me this morning briefly about last night. My reply? "Good for you, have fun with that. I'm done." Then I went on the computer and blocked his number, deleted his number from my phone and all text messages, blocked him on Twitter...anything I could think of to make sure he can't contact me, I did.

I won't be with a guy who drinks and/or gets high. Why? Its in my family history. Alcoholism and drug abuse, all in my family. I've been with a guy who did drugs. SOLD drugs. Ended that pretty fast, but not because of the drugs in the end. Anyway.

Guys who drink and drive, guys who drink underage, guys who drink too much, guys who drink too often.

Those guys aren't my guys. Nope not gonna happen.

I'm done dealing with that. I can't be with a guy who wants to drink like that. Its not something I can accept.

I can't be with a guy like that. I can't.

I'm considering the idea I might be single for awhile. Because in my short experience in the last mm, 10 months, the guys I've come in contact with drink. They drink. Ok fine, you're legal you just turned 21, you're 22, you're 23 you're freaking 26, I don't care. If you drink a lot, drink often, drink until you do stupid things, then I am done. Totally done. Goodbye.

So yeah, guess what.

Goodbye.

Day One - 08/30/09

12:37 pm

So I'm in Orlando, on the Disney Resort Magical Express shuttle/bus service. I'm very tired and hungry. This bus has adjustable foot rests though. My 5 foot tall body is very thankful. My feet are dangling a good six inches off the floor otherwise. I'll have pics up on Facebook when we get home I think. Lots of stops, but ours is next, All-Star Music Resort!

10:23 pm

Long day. Long day. I was very stressed out towards the end, I took off my rings to apply sunblock and when I went to put them back on, my wedding ring from Mia was gone. I was in the food court at that point so I went back up to the suite and searches. Then called my mum in tears because that was just the last straw. I was mentally, physically, emotionally unable to handle anything else especially losing my wedding band. I was sitting on my chair-soon-to-be-pulled-out-bed-evil-army-cot waiting for her to get up there because she was coming for Sophie's sunglasses. I go to put my other rings back on. My wedding ring was stuck inside my spoon ring. I burst into tears all over again. The family went out to MGM, and I stayed there at the suite resting. I was just done. Could. Not. Cope. Now its 10:30 and I've got a double cheeseburger and a milkshake and I'm about to go to sleep and wake up at 7 am so we can be at the Magic Kingdom when it opens at 9.