Wooot, I'm proud of myself. I got ready in an hour and fifteen minutes. That's pretty awesome for me. I try to get ready as fast as possible and today was one of the scant days I succeeded.

Mum is doing health with Sophie right now so I will write while I wait for her to finish and get ready. Sophie's health class DVDs are notorious for being DISGUSTING or Sophie's new favorite word "grody". The word alone is gross to me.

I'm happy that we are taking my car, which makes sense since it is my car that's being registered, but still. I'm happy I get to drive. Depending on how this goes I might feel well enough (and bold and brave enough) to go and get some job applications. We shall see.

It's a beautiful day outside. I'm wearing jeans of course but it's sunny and breezy outside and I'll be driving with the windows down. I love love love LOVE my car. It's ridiculous. But I do.

I do feel better today. My plan to take a break from Facebook for a few days, and unsubscribe to certain peoples statuses is a good plan. Facebook has been a constant reminder, the burn factor to what's been bothering me. I decided this last night and I was on there for a bit while I blogged, but I tried to stay in my profile page and no where else. I was having a conversation with somebody through Facebook chat so I couldn't begin my shunning until it ended.

Last night was rough. So rough. I had really been raked over the coals. It's so hard. My super long heartfelt post last night definitely shows that. Even when I feel like that, I have gotten to the point and have accepted it enough to know that yeah, I'm gonna feel better. Even when I'm broken and I do feel like it's too hard and it's all wrong, I know I will feel better. It's almost annoying and it's also helpful. The hard part about that is that is adds to my heavy feeling of "there is no escape". That's the rub. "I will feel better, but there is no escape." Sounds REALLY fun doesn't it?

What I mean by "there is no escape", is that as a Christian and as someone who knows and believes in the Bible, I know that suicide is not an option. God created each of us the way He wanted us to be and to take our lives into our own hands and end them, is a sin, a blasphemy, a grave insult. That's not an escape. I know more than anyone to be unable to get through something and sink under the sorrow of it, but I know that to commit suicide, and commit it successfully, is the door to hell. The Bible says that. That's so hard when I hear and read about kids who commit suicide for whatever reason they feel is too much to bear, and I so wish that someone could, or would have told them, "hold onto Jesus. He won't let you go, no matter what. Death is not the answer. It is not your way out of this." I can only think that no one did or else maybe that broken and wounded person just couldn't see it, couldn't understand.

I can't end my own life. Not only do I consider it the most selfish thing you could do, but I know if there is any answer to the problem, there is no wronger answer than suicide.

And it sounds like my mama is ready. I'll be off now!