I'm struggling with my future education. What if I can't do it? In the placement testing I did fail the math portion. Kicked butt in the reading and writing but I failed in the math. I have to retake it and I have yet to schedule another test time to do that. The reason is really that I was working constantly, but this week is the first week my life is on a normal keel and I still want to put it off.
When it comes to math, I've been burned way too much for me to ever want to try it again. Supposedly everyone has some way, some method that they learn it through and that it might be one teacher who says it the right way for them even though they had many other years of other teachers teaching the same thing but in some different way. And this time it just clicks. Well, I've been taught by a lot of people and I have a very hard time accepting help and I'm unwilling to listen anymore.
Math was a nightmare for me once I started fourth grade. Ridiculous I know, I was only about ten-years-old, but it never changed for me after that. It was like the light switch for my future education struggles was flipped on.
It's near impossible to explain to someone who "gets" math why you don't. It makes no sense to them, which I understand but oh does it make me feel stupid.
Math has become one of my emotional (and depressing) subjects and I hate to talk about it. Certain things I've struggled with for so long, I can't help it. The pain, worry, stress, fear, overcome me and it's usually a battle to keep the tears behind my eyes, to swallow the lump in my throat and reclaim my previously happy mood.
I tried to do the best I could at the placement testing, but I did fail it. I'm very worried about my capability to succeed in it the second time, or in any other scenario. Math is the one thing holding me back from school and I don't know if I can overcome it. I know all things are possible through Him who gives me strength and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but oh I am terrified of it.