I just want the tears to stop rolling down my face
I just want this pain to go away
No, there's no one reason for my heart to break
It's just too many rolled into one
I have my wall built like Jericho
And like that old city
I can be knocked down with but a word

When the tears start
And the pain breaks through
It's so hard to not want to do something drastic
To do something bad

I want it to all go away
I can't fix any of it
It hurts to try
It hurts to breathe
To wake up everyday

And when those times come
And my Jericho has been destroyed
I am like some newborn thing
Delicate
Easily broken
Anything is able to bring harm
A word, a sentence, a touch
That might normally be easy-peasy
Can bring me to the floor

These are the times where I bend until I break
I'm like a little growing tree with its trunk tied to a stick in the ground so the sapling does not fall in wind, rain, or snow
These are the times my stick has been taken away
Thrown somewhere far away
Out of my reach

This is when nothing makes me smile
This is when everything I hate about myself appears as bright as the sun at noon on my face
This is when all my fears and all my doubts whisper in my ears and I can't make them stop
This is when I cry, Jesus, Lord God, where are You? Please be here, God I can't do this on my own! I'm lost without you. Lost.


That makes me think of a song. This is what I wrote. I think I'll find the lyrics to that song. I need to find something to make me feel even the smallest bit more able to breathe.