I feel better today. Much more able to blog.

Friday Grandy came over and we sewed. Tiring. Frustrating. I'm still not up to full capacity physically. I get tired so easily and fast. Friday night I was slightly chatterbox-y and felt at loose ends. Daddy turned on sports in the living room so I took one of the recliners and turned it all the way around facing the other way so the tv was not in my line of vision. I'm so easily distracted. I put my ipod on so I couldn't hear the tv either and curled up with a blanket, pillow and snickers bar. I played some games of bejeweled and solitaire on my ipod. I was listening and singing to Joy Williams. My favorite artist, still even after all these years. Her music got me through so much. Friday as I was listening to the words and singing them I couldn't believe how much they resonated inside me and how it was just like I was singing for me, about me, what I've gone through. So many things saved my life when I was a teenager and Joy Williams' music was definitely one of them.

Yesterday I was a whirlwind getting ready to go. I honestly don't know how I did it but I was ready to go when Matt picked me up other than the fact I took the time to put a slice of pizza in the microwave for 20 seconds. We went to his house and I had dinner there with his family, Furtado parents, twin Adam and older brother A.J. was the only one missing, still at work. It was enjoyable. His mother scares me to death. She seems like a very nice woman but she scares me. I'm the experienced 19-year-old stealing her little boys' innocence. I wish I felt comfortable enough to set the record straight. But Matt told me after he got home last night, that they did like me. "We like that she seems like she likes you for you and not just to always go out and spend money on her to go do stuff and you seem to be happy when she's around so we're happy." That's what they said to him last night. Honestly though, going out and spending money on me is the last thing I could want from Matt. He's my Matt. I don't want anything else from him.
Its not a very affectionate family. Which makes me all the more thankful Matt is affectionate. I'm a hugger. If I felt comfortable doing it, I'd definitely hug his mom as a greeting or just occasionally. I haven't felt that vibe of acceptance yet though. But I'm not going anywhere. So I'm hopeful that I'll relax a bit more there and that they will too once they see that I am a good girl. They just have to get to know me. I told Matt last night I wish I could take a year off of my 19 and add it onto his 17. Impossible. So I'll accept it and make it work the way it is. And honestly I wouldn't change Matt or his age for anything.