I think I know more than I think!

As I begin this missive, it is exactly 2:39 am. I'm in an odd mood bordering on miserable.

Saturday was good. I went and did my errands, that ended up being, CVS, Rite-Aid and Hannaford (I always buy such an odd variety of food, I feel like it's drugged-munchie-food-shopping) and then came home and had dinner. After that, the next almost six hours were dedicated solely to the construction of Grace's new wardrobe. Yes, it did take me about five and a half hours, but it was fun. Hey, I'm five feet tall and I weigh a hundred pounds. It's allowed to take almost six hours for me. It's finished and it's beautiful. I should take a picture. I should take a picture of everything I've put together. I'm proud of myself.
I loved putting it together. Mum is right when she says I should join a Habitat for Humanity, or try to find something as a handy-man apprentice of sorts. I'm just scared about making the effort. Oh, I hate putting myself out there. Can't I just be a recluse forever? Maybe live off of my writing? Lord, please help me with my desire to hide.

I had a philosophical moment while putting it together. I was thinking how often you hear someone say that they wish life came with instructions. Well, my first point is that not many people use the instructions when they do come with something! How true is that? Very very true. There's always someone, and each person probably knows 20 of those someones who has directions and instructions for something, whether its putting a wardrobe together, changing a tire, getting that pine needle-shedding Christmas tree into the darn tree base stand thing, doing a crossword puzzle or baking a cake. There's always someone who wants to improvise or worse, ignore them entirely.
It isn't accurate when someone says they wish life came with instructions because chances are, they would ignore them anyway.
And here's the real kicker: Life did come with instructions. Even I didn't even remember that it did, but yes! The instructions came in the Bible and they're right there for everyone and anyone to read and to follow. Oh, it was so simple to me when I realized this Saturday! And so obvious. How often do we as humans say something that God must shake His head over and think, Oh my child, open your eyes. Well, my eyes were opened, and I intend to use that the next time, and all future times that I hear someone say that they wish life had come with instructions. Because it did and I would be happy to prove it. I'll try to hide my gleeful grin.

Sometimes my own best conversations and deeper findings come from inside my own thoughts. I wonder if that puts me in the category of the Thinker type personality. I know it means that I prefer to think while I work. That helps explain my nausea and dread of working in the mall or a retail environment again. If I do have to work with people again, I want it to be in a taking care of them way. That's why I love the medical field. Cause I'm in charge and I'm a healer. I love that. Healer. And I'm only a poor copy of the Master Healer. He is the example I can only dream of, His healing touch has no limits and He can heal anything, be it a simple scraped knee or something that kills. I've been made in His image, and the Healer part of Him is one of my favorites. Maybe part of it is that He has chosen not only to give me what I want Him to heal me from, but to chose not to heal me and so I now feel the need to heal and take care of others, even though I know I will not be able to heal everything. I have to try and I have to help people.