I want to get married. I want to fall in love with a guy who I will marry. I don't like dating, I don't like short term relationships, and a relationship not heading towards or leading to marriage is a short term relationship whether its 5 months or 5 years. Its not JUST a piece of paper. That piece of paper means there is no walking away. Take away that piece of paper and you can leave and that's it. Let me pack up and I'm gone. A piece of paper means there are ties. Bonds. Links. A relationship can be ended because someone cheated. A marriage can be ended because someone cheated. The difference is the relationship can be cut instantly. The marriage will take longer because that piece of paper is a link, a bond, the hot iron branding a lamb. Its not just a piece of paper and damn it, I want mine. I want a piece of paper. I want to BELONG. I want the guy I'll share rings and papers with, a shared last name, a bed, fights, making up, breakfast, lunch and dinner, babies, grandchildren, my life with. I want mine. I'm not rushing it, I'm not going to look because that backfires. Guys are supposed to find me and I'm damned if I know why. Stupid chase. But it hurts to watch and think, when me, when me. Sometimes I want to give up, others I think I'm only 19, how can I feel so alone already. Because I see it around me. I see it all around me. In my two best friends, in my parents who have been married for 25 years in November and who are the definition of "til death do us part".

I want my forever love. And it's not too much to ask.